L is For Lexie
by Darley1101
Summary: A collection of one shots centered around Lexie Grey. New ones to be added periodically
1. Lexie Grey Spills All

Author's Note: I have found it is easier to group together one shots that are based on a specific couple or character. L is for Lexie will contain any one shots I have written or will write about Dr. Lexie Grey. Some of them are humorous, some of them not so much. Whatever their context, I hope you enjoy them!

Title: Lexie Grey Spills All

Author: Darley1101

Rating: PG (language)

Premise: Season Four, a drunk Lexie Grey spills everything during Thanksgiving dinner at Meredith's house.

Author's Note: I am not very comfortable with first person but gave it a go with this one shot. Suggestions for improvement are greatly appreciated.

A cold gust of wind cut through my jacket as I stood outside Meredith's house, a bottle of vodka gripped in one hand. I am not quite sure why I'm here. I should have been with Molly. It was our first Thanksgiving without Mom, after all. I just couldn't say no when Meredith asked me to join her and her little "family" for dinner. Plus, I knew for a fact Molly had invited Dad, and I still am not able to deal with him.

I took a deep breath and knocked, gripping my bottle of wine even tighter. It was Izzie who answered. My usual feelings of jealousy toward the tall, beautiful blonde hit instantly. I've tried to like her, she really is a nice person, I just can't. In the back of my mind she is the reason George and I can never be. "Hope I'm not late," I greeted, trying my hardest to sound friendly.

"Not at all," Izzie assured me, her dark eyes sparkling as she let me in. She had dressed for the occasion in a cheery pink sweater, snug faded jeans, and cozy looking Ugg boots. While the clothes were simple, they made my black dress and boots look inferior. She always made me feel inferior, always made me aware that I was never going to be her. And, the worse part of it all, she didn't even know it.

I followed her inside, licking my lips nervously. Izzie offered to take the wine and my jacket. Reluctantly, I slid out of the dark gray pea coat, handing it over. I shifted around self conscientiously when she gushed over how pretty I looked. "Thanks," I mumbled. I was saved from further conversation when Alex thundered down the stairs. He was looking better and better each day. Rebecca had taken so much out of him, and for the longest time he had looked like a ghost. It was good to see him looking almost like his former self. "Hey Alex."

"Lexie," he muttered, stepping around me. He grabbed Izzie's arm. "We need to talk." Izzie sighed, and then nodded. So much for not feeling awkward, I thought with a grimace. I cleared my throat and then walked into the living room. Cristina, a bottle of tequila in hand, sat on the couch. I hated and admired her both at the same time. She was my teacher, the person I was to watch and learn everything I needed to learn from. Yet, she was also my main obstacle between my sister and I. I could see the way Meredith was torn. Her "chosen" sister and the one she was forced to claim.

"Happy Thanksgiving," I said meekly. I took a seat in the chair to the left of the sofa, sitting on the very edge, my knees pressed together. Cristina barely acknowledged my greeting. In fact, all I got was a grunt. "So, exciting surgery, yesterday huh?" It had been exciting yesterday. It wasn't too often we got a hermaphrodite in who wanted to have their penis extracted from inside their body and keep their vagina as well. I am still in awe over how Dr. Sloan managed the feat.

"Yeah." Cristina mumbled, raising the bottle of tequila to her lips. I watched as she downed the fiery liquor as though it was water. "Real exciting."

"So, um, where's Meredith?" I asked. I knew the minute the question left my mouth I shouldn't have asked it. Meredith was always a taboo subject with Cristina and I.

"I don't know, Lexie, where is your sister? I mean, because the two of you are just so close," Cristina sneered. I wanted to believe her surly attitude was because of the liquor, but I knew better. She resented me, and Meredith practically begging me, in front of her, to come today most likely hadn't helped any.

I worked the top off the bottle of wine I had brought. It had been meant to help with some sauce Izzie was going to make, but in all fairness I deserved the extra kick more than some fancy sauce. I shuddered as it flamed down my throat. "God," I breathed, taking another drink immediately after.

"…doesn't mean anything!" Izzie yelled storming into the living room. Her face was flushed and she looked ready to cry. I scooted back in the chair, trying hard to keep my legs pressed together. I know it sounds silly, but in my head all I can hear is my mom saying not to flash my business at everyone. So, that is what I am trying to do, not flash my business, ignore Cristina, and keep my mouth shut while Izzie prattled on about Alex trying to transfer his emotions for Rebecca onto her.

"Do I look like I care?" Cristina asked, her voice muffled and echoing as she had the tequila bottle pressed to her lips once more. I followed suit and took another long swig of wine. "I mean, seriously, do I look like I really give a crap that you're too stupid to see what is right in front of you?"

I almost choked. Burning liquor flew out my nose. "She's not stupid. She graduated college with a 4.0." I choked again, this time from the shock of having spilled something I wasn't suppose to know. I could see my disbelief mirrored on Izzie's face. "Sorry. I was trying to help George. And I kinda read your file. By the way, I think it is so cool that you put yourself through college by modeling and that you did it all online or going to school at night."

"You got your pre-med degree online?" Cristina gapped for a second, and then burst into laughter. "Seriously? You got your degree online?"

The tears that had been glimmering in Izzie's eyes start to spill down her cheeks. I couldn't believe Cristina was being so cruel. I thought it was amazing Izzie had struggled and done what she could to get where she is. Wasn't that what was important? Where she was today? "At least she didn't get academic suspension for having sex with three of her teachers. Two of them at the same time," I snickered. Yeah, I had been holding that tid bit back for just the right moment. It felt good to get it out there, to see the look of horror on Cristina's face. "Yeah. I read your's too." I smiled knowingly. There was more in that file that I could use on her. The short say in a mental hospital after her father died. The not to so glowing letters of recommendation that labeled her as a superior medical machine but cold and lacking in bedside manner.

"How did you get in to read them?" Izzie demanded. She had scooted to the side of the sofa that was closest to my chair, knocking Cristina out of the way. "I mean, aren't those suppose to be confidential?"

I scrunched down, clutching my bottle of Vodka. I needed another drink before delving into George's situation. "George has a key to the Chief's office," I squeaked out. "He was really down about his score on the intern exam. He wanted to know by how much he had failed and on what part. I tried to get him to go look at his file…just his file…but he wouldn't."

"Because Bambi has morals!" Cristina hissed. I looked at her in warning. Did she really want to go there with me? Oh the stuff I could unleash about her. She suddenly seemed to realize I had that power and stopped.

"So, I did. Only when I got in there I seen every one else's file. Originally I was only going to look at George's. And then I got curious about Meredith." I took another drink. Not a good idea, I might add, because I cannot hold my liquor. Two beers and I am a goner. I don't even want to think about what the hard stuff is going to do to me. "She doesn't like to let people in," I explained. "I thought if I knew more about her, found something we had in common…other than Thatcher's fucked up DNA…we might be able to get closer."

"What's going on?" Meredith asked from the arched entry way. Behind her stood Alex. I slid even further down, only half aware that I wasn't keeping my legs pressed together. Thankfully Izzie was kind enough to tug my skirt down before too many people got a good look at my Smurf blue panties.

"Your sister broke into the Chief's office and read everyone's file." Cristina said, her voice slightly full of amazement. "Izzie got her pre-med degree online."

"Will you stop saying it like that," Izzie shrieked. She hopped up, standing over Cristina. "I took a few online classes through the University of Washington because, unlike you, I had to pay for college on my own!" She looked around anxiously and grabbed up a throw pillow. To my amusement and Meredith's horror, she started walloping Cristina in the head with it. "And stop saying I'm too stupid to see what is in front of me. I'm not."

"Get her off me," Cristina yelled.

"Alex lied and said he had only one ball," I blurted out. The room stilled. I gulped, fully aware that the attention was now back on me. I wasn't sure I wanted it. "Uh, yeah, he wrote a letter saying he had cancer and had to have a ball removed. Which so is not true. I've seen him naked and there were definitely two boys down there."

"You said you had cancer?" Izzie gapped in Alex's direction. To his credit Alex had the decency to look some what ashamed. At least I think that is what he was feeling. I don't know him well enough to be sure. "You seriously want some bad Karma don't you?"

"ITA with Barbie." Cristina nodded.

"This isn't the net Cristina," Alex barked. He wedged himself between Cristina and Izzie on the couch. Neither woman looked to pleased to have him sitting there. I can't blame them.

"She use to have an addiction to online chat rooms," I giggled. Cristina glared at me. I shrugged. It was true. If she hadn't wanted the world to know that information she shouldn't have gone to her college counselor for help. She had to of known that information would end up being shared with Seattle Grace. All important information concerning our mental health was shared. "Mostly the dirty talk one's."

"How does she know that?" Meredith asked. She turned her wild green eyes on me. "How do you know that?" I looked down, suddenly ashamed. "Lexie Grey, how do you know that?"

"She stole George's key to the Chief's office and read everyone's files." Cristina answered. There was still that mixture of pride and horror.

"Oh. My. God. Lexie!" Meredith looked at me, her expression hard to read. "Did you read mine?" The question was low, almost so quiet I didn't hear it. I nodded my head, unable to look my sister in the eyes. "How could you? I trusted you. And you…you didn't trust me enough to just ask me things? You had to go behind my back and look at my personal file?"

I looked up in horror. It hadn't been that way at all. "I was only going to look at George's. He was so down and out about all of you being residents and he was stuck being an intern again. He wanted to know why he failed. How much he failed by. What he failed on. I was just going to help him out. I promise. And then…I don't know…I have a problem okay! I have this stealing problem and I stole the files. I stole them and I looked. It wasn't on purpose. I know I shouldn't have, it's just…I have feelings okay? I have feelings for George and I thought I was helping out. Which I did, because the Chief let him retake the test and now he's with you guys. And I don't' see him hardly at all anymore except when he comes home to sleep." I babbled on and on, spilling it all out. My feelings for George. How much I hated Izzie because I knew she could take George back if she wanted to. How scared I was that Cristina would steal Meredith away. I even spilled out the way Alex had accidentally called me Izzie the first time we had sex.

When I was done, the living room had fallen into an eerie quiet that had me squirming. It was Izzie who broke the silence. She looked at me and said "Lexie, if something where to happen between you and George, I wouldn't stand in your way. I wouldn't try and take him from you. He deserves some one who is kind and nice. That's you. You're kind and nice. Even if you are a file clepto." Relief washed through me, and for once I didn't feel animosity toward her. She smiled at me, and then looked at Alex. "You called her my name?"

Alex looked at me, annoyed that I had opened my mouth no doubt. I shrugged, resisting the urge to giggle. "Thanks a lot," he muttered before turning to look at Izzie. "It wasn't on purpose."

"Still," Izzie said slowly. She looked as though her mind was working. I could almost see the little gears turning. It was starting to click, I thought. She is starting to realize what all of us had realized for quite a while now: Alex was in love with her. "You know, I think you're right. I think we should talk." She stood up, her face pale. For a minute I thought she was going to fall over. She didn't though, she just took a deep breath and led Alex out of the living room.

"I'm warning you right now, if you so much as breath one word about my internet addiction or that threesome, I will make your life a living hell," Cristina snarled. She looked ready to bite my head off. So much for power.

"Cristina, go." Meredith snapped. I blinked, unsure I had actually heard right. Cristina looked as though she wasn't sure she did either. "I'm serious. Go check on the Turkey or something. See if the little thingy has popped up." I was a bit astonished when Cristina actually obeyed. With her gone, Meredith turned her sole attention on me. She sat in the spot Izzie had vacated, her knees almost touching mine. "Lexie, look at me." Slowly, I lifted my head. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know the rules or whatever it is that sisters have. And that isn't your fault. It's…it's nobody's fault really. It's just…a fact. One we have to learn to deal with." I nodded. I understood. We weren't ever going to have the sister bond I wanted. It killed me to realize that. "I'm going to suck at times. I'll forget you exist or something. It's not you, it's me. I'm just that way. I do it all the time. You can ask Derek. He'll tell you. I suck at being the warm, fuzzy person. It doesn't mean I don't care though, because I do. I care a lot. You're my sister. The only family I really have. And nobody, not even Cristina, can take that from us." I was speechless, completely speechless. I slowly lifted my arms to return her embrace when she hugged me. She wanted me. My sister wanted me. "So," she said after we moved apart, "what's this business about you having a crush on George?"


	2. All Around Me

Title: All Around Me

Author: Darley1101

Rating: PG

Premise: Lexie thinking about her mother on her wedding day.

You stand in front of the mirror, carefully studying the woman staring back at you. Perfectly coiffed dark hair with small, twinkling gemstones hidden in the curls that were pinned in an intricate, swirling pattern, showcasing the heart shape of your face and the swan-like grace of your neck. You had opted to wear no jewelry, safe the emerald cut diamond engagement ring on your left hand. Simple elegance, that was what you had wanted, and that was what you had gotten. Your only indulgence had been the Vera Wang wedding gown you had fallen in love with and had to have. You smile, turning slightly to the right and then slightly to the left, loving the gently whispering of the gathered silk skirt. You felt a bit like a little girl playing dress up.

"Are you ready for the veil?" Your sister asks, interrupting your childish moment of fancy. You nod and meet her eyes in the mirror. She smiles at you and you have to smile back. You never thought the two of you would get to this point, things were so iffy when you first met, but you did get here and you are thankful for that.

You stand perfectly still as your sister pins the frothy, twinkling expanse of netting just below your pile of curls. You bite your lip as she jabs the rhinestone encrusted comb into your scalp, but keep quiet because you wouldn't hurt Meredith's feelings for the world. "Thank you," you say softly, slowly turning from the gilt mirror. Your fingers nervously gather your skirts as you walk toward the double doors that would lead you to your new life with the man you loved. Your feet falter half way there as you realize Meredith is the only family present to support you through this crucial moment in your life. Your other sister had moved to Japan when her husband was stationed there. Your father had been checked into rehab after falling off the wagon yet again. And your mother…a lump forms in your throat…your mother was gone.

Meredith touched your arm, her slender fingers gently massaging the flesh of your bicep. "She's watching over you today," she says as though she can read your mind. You nod, hoping she is right. "Lexie, she is. I can feel it. Your mom is watching over you."

You close your eyes, breathing in deeply as you try to channel the presence of your mother. A wave of calmness floats around you and you are convinced it is her, that Meredith is right and she is with you after all. "I know," you laugh softly, opening your eyes. "I can feel her." You reach up and grab Meredith's hand in your own. Your fingers entwine and together you walk through the double doors, toward your future with Mark.


	3. Sober

Author's Note: Another one shot; written while I avoid. Ah avoidance, such a beautiful thing! Again I thank you for the continued support of my writing. This one is, shocker of shockers, a song fic! Oh the horror of it all!

Title: Sober

Author: Darley1101

Rating: PG 13 (Language)

Premise: Lexie deals with George's death. (Based off the song Sober by Kelly Clarkson)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the lyrics.

_And I don't know, this could break my heart or save me. Nothings real until you let go completely. So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving. So here I go with all my fears weighing on me._

The raggedy cardboard box sat in the middle of her hospital room floor. It was rather pathetic looking and had an odd, musty smell to it that had Lexie's stomach churning as she knelt down next it. Beneath her bare knees the shiny tiled floor was cold but she barely noticed. Her fingers started to shake as she reached for the peeling tape that held the box shut. Part of her wanted to bury the box in the back of her closet and forget it existed. It wouldn't do her any good to hide the box or avoid the contents. She needed to let go of the past and in order to do that she needed to face the box.

"You can do this," she whispered as she plucked at the tape. The years had taken their toll on the adhesive and it came off easily, some of it crumbling beneath her fingertips. Watching the yellowed remains of the tape fall to the floor in a scattered pile of dust she felt as though she were watching her fragile grip on sanity crumble away as well.

Lexie took a deep breath before carefully pulling back the flaps that hid the contents of the box. A lump formed in her throat as she stared at the framed photo that was lying on top of the carefully packed items. George's lopsided grin stared back, his blue eyes sparkling with life. It was an illusion, she knew that. Still, he looked so alive, so vibrant; almost as though it was the man himself smiling up at her. "You son of a bitch!" Grasping the frame she hurled it across the room, squeezing her eyes shut as tears started to gather.

Two years later and she still couldn't believe he'd had the nerve to die on her. The hell she had been through trying to get over his death...over him! Letting out a half sob, half shriek she balled her body forward and started rocking. No matter how hard she had tried to stop loving him she hadn't been able to. Even the months she had been with Mark all she could think about was maybe some day George would wise up and realize they could be good together. There would be no some day and her hysterics had driven Mark off, which sucked as much as George's death because after he was gone she realized how wonderful he was, how wonderful life could have been with him. Her mourning became about more than just George's death and what might have been with him, it became about losing Mark as well. She had fucked up. Oh had she fucked up. And she hadn't been able to deal with it. Until now.

_Three months and I'm still sober. Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers. But I know its never really over._

The statistics should have been a warning against drinking away her pain. Like everything else that was bad in her life Lexie had ignored the numbers and poured herself glass after glass of wine. A person wasn't an alcoholic if they drank wine. A lie she had told herself over and over again. Anything to numb the pain. Anything to not face what she was doing to herself. It had taken Alex prying a bottle of Merlot from her fingers and screaming at her that he couldn't lose another person he cared about to stupidity. There had also been some unsavory words about Lexie ending up like their fathers.

She didn't stop drinking the day of Alex broke up with her. She wished she could say that she had. Just like she wish she could have accepted that George only cared about her as a friend. Just like she wished she hadn't slept with Alex while he was still in love with his wife. Just like she wished she had realized that she loved Mark before it was too late. So many fucking just likes and what ifs. She was fed up with those! A person could not live that way. She couldn't live that way.

Which was why she had to dig through the box. She had to face everything she had piled into it. No matter how much it hurt she had to pull the bad from the good. It was the only way she was going to be able to go on. At least that was what Dr. Wyatt said the day she checked herself in Seattle Grace's rehab facility.

"You can do this. You can do this!"

_And I don't know, I could crash and burn but may at the end of the road I might catch a glimpse of me. So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right. No comparing, second guessing, no not this time._

It wasn't just a matter of 'can' but 'had' to. If she was going to pick up the pieces that were left of her life, if she was going to move on from the mess she had made she had to do whatever was necessary. Even digging through her box of memories. It always came back to the box. And her having to face what was in it. God how she hated that damn box. She should have just thrown it out during one of her drunken pity parties.

"Just go through the damn thing already," she ordered.

Shifting around she picked up the scrapbook her mother had made for her. Every single day of her life was documented in there, with little notes of love and pride from her mother on each page. It hurt just holding it. Unlike the picture of George she couldn't bring herself to throw it. Instead she hugged it to her chest and wished her mother was there to help her. Wishing was for children and people who hadn't tasted sorrow. Wishing didn't get anyone anywhere.

"It wasn't fair," she murmured, tracing the last picture her mother had placed in the album. It was of the two of them standing outside Seattle Grace. The day she had been accepted into the intern program. She could almost hear her mother telling her how proud she was and how it would be a wonderful opportunity for her to know her sister Meredith.

Thinking about her sister had a small smile tugging at her lips. Meredith had been there for her every step of the way. Had attended every single counseling session. Had held her hand as she admitted to being an alcoholic. Meredith had been her rock. The only reason she hadn't crashed and burned. And all her sister had asked in return was that she get better.

She was. Slowly but surely. Day by day. She was getting better. Yeah she still lived in fear that she would fall but each second that ticked by on the clock gave her a boost of confidence. She was starting to know the woman in the mirror each morning. Her head was clearing and she was making choices that didn't hurt her.

_Three months and I'm still breathing. Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know its never really over, no._

Waking up no longer felt like an invitation to death. Each rise and fall of her chest was a blessing. One she didn't take for granted. She would never again take life for granted, just like she would never again soak her pain in alcohol.

What she had been through had given her a better understanding of what her father had been through after her mother's death. She could see why he had lost it the way he had. She could sit back, remember the things he had done, and say she knew why. It was an understanding she hated. Never again would she be able to just go out with the girls for margaritas. The days of being able to enjoy a glass of wine with a plate of pasta were over. Her quest to forget George, to forget her part in breaking up Alex and Izzie's marriage, to forget Mark, to just forget had altered her very being.

_Wake up_

Dropping the album to the side, she reached for the box. Without thinking she dumped the contents. Bits and pieces of her life spilled out across the white tiled floor. There was a memory connected to each item. Some were good. Some were bad. All made her ache inside. They were the physical evidence of the weights she had been carrying on her heart. Pictures of George, trinkets Mark had given her, silly notes her mother had written, even a photo booth strip of her and Mark making out. Though they had been hidden away, taped up in a box that had been in the back of a closet at Meredith's house she had held fast to each thing deep inside her soul. And it was time to let it all go.

_Three months and I'm still standing here. Three months and I'm getting better yeah. Three months and I still am. Three moths and its still harder now. Three months I've been living here without you now. Three months yeah, three months._

Lexie closed her eyes and exhaled the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. As the air whooshed out of her pursed lips she mentally said goodbye to the things that had been holding her back. She let go of the misery that had sucked her so dry she had sought alcohol as a security blanket. She released it all. Damned if it didn't feel good.

_Three months and I'm still breathing. Three months and I still remember it. Three months and I wake up._

The door creaked open as she opened her eyes. Blinking back the tears she accepted the strong hand that was held out to her and rose to her feet. "I'm okay," she whispered as she let them wrap her in their arms and stroke her hair. "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...I just...I shouldn't have. I realize now I wasn't just hurting myself but I hurt you too. Do you think you could ever forgive me?"

The stroking stopped and the arms moved until a the hands were settled on her shoulders. "There's nothing to forgive," Meredith said softly. "You're my sister and I love you."

_Picked my weeds but kept the flowers._


End file.
